Long post alert, since it is about significant two years of my journey. I have recently received my results and am now an M.A in Development Studies from Tata Institute of Social Sciences. I feel extremely happy not for having completed my post-graduation but for what I have been able to learn in the last two years. The journey hasn’t been easy. There were ups and downs, there were people questioning my choice of career for having moved to ‘arts’ which according to many isn’t as ‘successful’ as an M.B.A which engineers are generally expected to do, there were questions in the curriculum which made me feel uncomfortable, uncomfortable about the underlying inequalities and their deep-rooted foundations. But well, the very point of my willingness to join this college and this stream was to learn. To get a nuanced understanding of issues in the contemporary surroundings. To understand at least one layer deeper than what I would learn otherwise.
The journey wasn’t easy but was certainly enriching. It was really enlightening. More than physical strain, it was something that troubled my ideas and my understanding of the society. Like one of the movie lines says : “kai baar sahi karne ka result happy nahi hota”, there were many harsh realities which were taught as a part of the curriculum and they did make me think, shed tears and become unhappy. I remember one of my professors in my first semester warning us that the purpose of the subject in itself was to make us feel uncomfortable. As each day and each session progressed I began to know that privileges exist and the forms they take. That it is important to acknowledge our privileges. To acknowledge privileges and ensure there is ‘equity’. For someone born and brought up in mostly an urban setting, discrimination was almost non-existent. It was only after one semester and after one and a half month of field experience in Uttar Pradesh, followed by semesters thereafter, that I understood how discrimination is ‘customised’. The internship was an experience in itself. From positives and negatives of local governance systems, entrepreneurial abilities of the local residents, issues of caste and gender, issues of policy implementation, to the unconditional affection shown by the residents of my field in Uttar Pradesh, the experiences and lessons will remain forever. From renaissance to the grey areas in urbanisation and how the idea of ‘development’ in itself comes with a large number of problems, there was so much to learn. Social justice, gender and how policies work, each class was extremely enriching. To add to these was my internship on urban primary healthcare and Ayushman Bharat, which involved visiting MNJ Cancer hospital, palliative care centres, Gandhi, Niloufer, Osmania hospitals, and PHCs. That one and a half month on healthcare was challenging my mental strength and that’s exactly what I joined TISS for. To challenge my beliefs, my ability to take opposing ideologies and my ability to come to a balanced conclusion and my capacity to stand through emotional turmoil. So, I would like to just add to that dialogue : ‘Kai baar sahi karne ka result happy nahi hota – par empowering bilkul hota hai’.
Today, when I see myself as student of Development Studies, I will remember not the degree or my certificate, but the strength and courage the professors and subjects have given me, to face challenges, acknowledge privileges and come up with solutions that extend beyond providing infrastructure. There were many instances where I questioned my choice of having chosen this path, when people said you should’ve chosen science or MBA, when I didn’t really know why did I have to put myself through all those difficult situations of understanding inequalities, those emotionally draining classes which sometimes hit right on the privileges which till then I thought were a given, watching movies that made me uncomfortable and understanding how women and marginalised sections are passively conditioned to accept their ‘fate’. Today, when I recollect all those experiences and as I write this, I feel it was all worth it. Each day was worth it.
Politics, policies and current affairs have always been a part of the routine in my house and that still is my most favorite part of the day with my parents. Sometimes these discussions end at strong disagreements, owing to different kinds of exposure and socio-cultural situations during youth. Of all this, I was always taught that I should use a part of whatever little I have, to ensure someone else not as privileged has a better day. That there is a lot beyond earning for oneself and enjoying it all to exhaustion. I thank my parents who brought me up like a woman: fearless and strong enough to dream big.
There were times when the academic pressure was high and when class sessions and documentaries made me extremely uncomfortable. My mom would sit down with me through all those times, listen to me complain how society has been unjust to certain sections, how historically there have been issues, see me breakdown after my visit to palliative care centers and attend all my calls from Uttar Pradesh about difficulties I faced. Not a single day did she ask me to give up. All she said was that every problem has a solution and that’s how the society has been evolving. Just like my professors towards the end of my college asked us to be not just aware of problems but to find solutions, my mom always pushed me to move forward positively. Though my dad was apprehensive about sending me alone to a state which we have never visited, he eventually accepted and asked me to move forward fearlessly. There was not a day when my parents discouraged me for my experiments and for having chosen a career as this, despite many of their acquaintances saying it wasn’t necessary and that I should’ve gone for some other career choices.
I would like to thank Arnab Da, who has been my friend, philosopher and guide since 2014! From guiding me through my career to exposing me to new genre of movies, books and to helping me transition smoothly into my 20s, Arnab da, you will always remain special to me.
I would like to thank Lokesh sir, for being that one person who will come to your mind when you feel like giving up your dreams. For telling me that it is ok to travel alone if the journey is right and that giving up would never be an option.
Thanks to my dearest Parinay for keeping me sane and being a call away, literally.
Charcha Beyond Chai 